I realised that, for the most part of my life, I have been listening to people tell me about their lives. I don't know, somehow they're able to make the most out of the most mundane things, like "Oh today I had macaroni for breakfast and it reminded me of ..." Well. Things don't ever happen that way with me. Plus I don't remember things very well, so even if there WAS something for me to talk about... Haaaaa. Not good. I need something to spark my speech yo. That's why I say so many random things! Cos random words spark memories and memories = conversation! :) Bingo wingo. Sigh, what excuses. :(
And I think to a certain extent TSD has moulded me into me? (Even though I was probably the least enthusiastic TSD student ever ><) Like nowadays I feel like a blank slate, I feel no need to be happy for no reason, I feel no need to smile. I feel that it's easier to just plaster a blank look on my face (which has gotten a lot of remarks like 'Why are you so sad!' and such) I feel no need to laugh at peoples' jokes (though it is absolutely necessary for them to laugh at mine, and it is, also, a source of my random bouts of happiness-es). I don't feel compelled to act, I just want to be real.
I don't take special notice of anything, I'm so caught up in this
nothingness
concept that it is killing me. I am getting more and more bored everyday! Well, as in
Waiting for Godot,
birth = death and life is hence meaningless since all of it will end once we die. And that history cruelly repeats itself without us knowing, without us wanting it. I seem to have taken hold of that concept quite strongly. And I hate it. I wanna make the most out of my life! Have random shit to talk to people about. Have lots and lots of fun! Fill this meaningless life up with meaning and hope and direction!!! (Even if the direction will amount to nothing in due time)
But if you think about it, what's even real in this world? This world is made out of connections, more than half of them which were formed to benefit ourselves. So we make ourselves into someone that
pal
would like, so that we can benefit. From being lonely, from being outcasted, whatever.
Happiness is contagious. Happy energy keeps me going and refuels my Happy tank. THINK HAPPY JIANING, THINK HAPPY!!!
THINK KOREA :) :) :) I can't wait! Hehehehe be excited for me, my friends :D I will bring back lots of photos and food :P
And I am going to start spamming people with random little nitty gritty details about my life too :) (That's if, I remember to)
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